The Unsilent Killer: Gossiping Exposed - Part 1

"There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers." - Proverbs 6:16-19

The elephant in the auditorium I plan on addressing this weekend is very near and dear to my heart. In all of my years of church attendance I have never seen anything more destructive to the Body of Christ than someone stirring up "dissension among the brothers"; a.k.a., gossips.

I'm one of the most easy going human beings you will ever run into, normally. I don't wander the earth seeking for reasons to get upset or offended. I accept that we're all sinners, myself definitely included, and as such we are capable of tremendous damage to ourselves and each other. So when I see or hear of church people committing immoral or selfish acts, I don't usually react out of emotion. I'm normally moved to attack immorality with godly love and a desire to bring healing and help instead of judgment and condemnation...except when it comes to the sin of sowing discord among the brethren.

If you want to see me come out of my skin, all you have to do is come to a church I pastor and try to start an insurrection. Just ask those who have tried it in the last 7 years; I don't play. I say this without apology or hyperbole; I detest gossiping with every cell in my body. I know first-hand the damage that has been done to the body of Christ by carnal, short-sighted hypocrites who think it is their right and privilege to spew rumors and tales about their brothers and sisters in Christ. It isn't pretty and it's caused nothing but destruction.

I pull no punches when it comes to this malady. I don't care how old someone is nor how much tenure someone may have at a particular church. I have learned over the years to attack this disease of the soul quickly and expediently. My desire is to remove the cancer, not the patient. That said, if someone proves themselves stubbornly unteachable on this subject and refuses to stop bearing tales, I have absolutely no problem removing them from the congregation as quickly as possible. The damage one gossip can do to a church is incalculable.

You may read this and think I'm getting all worked up about nothing. In my nearly 40 years of church attendance I've seen fist-fights in the church parking lot between deacons, Pastors screaming at church members in the middle of business meetings and vice versa, men cussing each other out at church men's meetings, church splits, church dissolution and worse. All of these fights and splits were directly caused by gossiping; after all, rational people don't just walk up and punch each other without provocation. Some of these explosions came after months of back-biting and rumor spreading. Again, incalculable damage has been done by childish adults who haven't learned the basic premise of Christianity, namely we are to love one another like Christ loves us (John 13:34-35).

Friends, there is absolutely no place in scripture where gossiping is acceptable. You'll never see one syllable of scripture commanding us to run around spreading rumors about each other. As a matter of fact, in the scripture quoted above, there are seven things listed that God "hates". There are several things listed here that are by-products of tale-bearing but just so there's no confusion, God ends the list with the sin of gossiping. God hates it with a passion and I am proud to say I share his hatred for it.

What amazes me is just how many of us are guilty of this sin on a regular basis. I know of great men and women of God who have done great things for God and his Kingdom who have no problem huddling in a corner to talk about a peer, a parishioner or a pastor. I find it almost comical to hear "godly" people gossip about a pastor's perceived false teaching or heresy as if the sin of gossiping isn't as destructive (if not more so) as a preacher teaching some false truth. I agree false doctrine is dangerous but where do false teachers fall in God's list of seven things he hates? Yeah, I don't see them listed either.

I'll let you in on a dirty little secret. I've learned over the years the worst gossips in the church aren't the lonely old widows with nothing to do but talk on the phone; the worst gossips are often times the pastors themselves. I know I've been guilty of this over the years and I'm definitely not alone. I've been to countless pastor's conferences where the bulk of the conversations were gossip sessions about other pastors. It amazes me how many men of God have been victims of this insidious sin yet have no problem spreading half-truths and outright lies about their peers.

It saddens me that one of the most overriding reputations modern American Christianity has is that we eat our own. I've spent a lifetime watching sharks in sheep's clothing devour one another over pointless, petty, childish disagreements better suited for the playground than a church building. This isn't just childish, it is the pinnacle of social stupidity.

You could say I'm passionate about this subject. It will be hard for me to keep myself in check when speaking about this on the radio. Much like Christ whipping the money-changers out of the temple, I have little to no sympathy for professing saints who think nothing of destroying the reputation and lives of their fellow Christians simply because they feel they have a right to express their opinions.

An even greater problem in our churches is the mixture of gossiping with the dreaded "Cliqueitis" disease. This is a common malady in most of our larger churches but certainly not exclusive to them. Smaller churches have cliqueitis too, they just happen to have only one clique and you're usually not welcome in it.

If you don't know what "cliqueitis" is, it's the social disorder wherein human beings form groups or "cliques" who then start beating each other's brains in. Friends and family members can quickly become the Hatfields and McCoys with a breakout of cliqueitis.

Forming a clique isn't inherently bad or dangerous; birds of a feather flock together and nowhere is this more true than in church. Whenever human beings congregate in large numbers it is a natural inclination of man to gravitate to those who look, sound and think like we do; a bonus is if they have the same hobbies and interests.

That's all well and good until someone in the "Hatfield" clique upsets someone in the "McCoy" clique. One such story I have involves a church chili cook-off where chili-preparer "Hatfield" took great offense at Judge "McCoy's" judgment of his family chili recipe and the fight was on. When church cliques start warring and competing with one another is when scriptures like James 4 becomes tragically relevant.

In my opinion, this issue isn't brought up enough in our churches. I don't know if pastors are afraid of upsetting the money, ERRRRRRRR, I mean the church members in their churches or not but this subject doesn't get taught near enough. I believe if it was, enough of God's people would be equipped to combat the sharks in our midst. And that's the key to fixing this problem. Educate God's sheep on how to avoid becoming victims of a shark or, even worse, becoming a shark themselves.

to be continued...

Pastors Who Need Prozac

According to statistical information from the book Pastors At Greater Risk:

80 percent of pastors say they have insufficient time with spouse and that ministry has a negative effect on their family.
40 percent report a serious conflict with a parishioner once a month.
33 percent say that being in ministry is an outright hazard to their family.
75 percent report they've had a significant stress-related crisis at least once in their ministry.
58 percent of pastors indicate that their spouse needs to work either part time or full time to supplement the family income.
56 percent of pastors' wives say they have no close friends.
45 percent of pastors' wives say the greatest danger to them and family is physical, emotional, mental and spiritual burnout.
21 percent of pastors' wives want more privacy.
Pastors who work fewer than 50 hours a week are 35 percent more likely to be terminated.
40 percent of pastors considered leaving the pastorate in the past three months.

I have attended church for nearly 40 years; 20 of those years as a pastor. Of the nearly two decades of service in the Body of Christ I've seen practically everything that man can throw at a pastor and visa versa. I've been in the trenches of ministry all of my adult life and I've got the scars to prove it. I say this not to brag but to give you, dear reader, some perspective of my vantage point; I want you to know where I'm coming from.

I've come to some conclusions over these last 20 years about church and church people. I've learned the proof of the church's divine origin is in its continued existence after two millenia under man's stewardship. I've learned that God is incredibly creative with an unlimited imagination in spite of man's attempts to box Him in with traditions and dogma. I've learned a great many things over the years but I believe the most important lesson I'm learning as I enter my own "middle-ages" is to put more stock into what God thinks instead of what man thinks.

I know of many pastors who are performance driven, myself included. We want the praise and accolades of men. We want to be recognized for our efforts since so much of what pastors do are unknown by the general public. The sacrifices pastors make for their people are usually unknown even by the people we are sacrificing for. The more dedicated the servant the greater the sacrifice, especially for the servant's family. Family time is cut short by emergencies, attempts to take a break with the family are cut short because of tragedy, and ministry frustrations are usually taken out on the pastor's family by the stressed out pastor.

Statistics bear out the truth. More ministers are leaving the ministry than ever before. I personally know of several churches who have been looking for pastors for literally years with none to be found. (Some churches will never find a pastor because of their reputation but that's another topic). Why are good men dropping out of ministry in record numbers? There are several reasons but one of them is fairly obvious; we are poorly educated at the seminary level for what awaits us in the "real world".

I know young preacher boys who leave seminary with their B.S. in Theology tucked under their arm ready to change the world for Christ only to find themselves disillusioned and wore out after a couple of rounds with "God's wonderful people." Pastors are not equipped to handle the daunting task of making it through a typical budget meeting or deacon board meeting with the power plays and political struggles that fill most of our churches. Young men are often thrown to the wolves and devoured by well intentioned but carnally minded folk who want to run the church themselves and just let the pastor preach. Truth be told, I've been to a number of churches who don't want a pastor, they just want a preacher.

One dream I have is to be used of God to instruct the next generation of pastors at the seminary level. I am a teacher. Hermeneutics and Apologetics are necessary courses but where are the "Real Ministry 101" classes? I believe we are doing our young men and women a huge disservice by arming them with scholarly instruction without also equipping them with godly wisdom on how to use this information as well as how to not let men destroy our passion, our desire and our dreams.

I don't know how old David was when he wrote Psalm 56:4,11. Chances are pretty good David learned this truth by battling it out with God's people over the years. Disillusionment comes when our fantasies about life are shattered by reality. Most people do not deal well with disillusionment. The bars and gutters are filled with people who failed to handle their disillusionment. It may surprise you to know that I've met a few former pastors in the bars and gutters. I was one of them for a while.

I speak not from theory or from the safety of my white pedestal. I speak from experience. I was one of those statistics. I was a pastor who desperately needed Prozac. One of my favorite chapters in the Bible on this subject is Jonah 3, especially the first verse. I can summarize Jonah 3 in two words: "But God...". God is grace, love and forgiveness. God is the God of the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, & 1000th chance. God is the God who meets us on the beach to ask us, "Do you love me?" (John 21). God will forever chase us because He loves us and has a destiny for us. The choice is forever ours if we want to quit or keep on fighting. Eventually, all of us, pastor or not, have to learn how to say like David, "The Lord is with me, I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?" (Psalm 118:6).

Or we can choose to be like Jonah and the elder brother of Luke 15.

Stay Tuned True Believers...

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

If you watch much television or go to many movies you'd probably come to the conclusion that men are pigs with little to no redeeming value to the human race. We stink, we make rude noises and say rude things and the worst possible time. We're simpletons that can't make it through a morning, much less a day, without the help of our much more intelligent and well mannered wives.

Yep, socially speaking, men have been downgraded from "Father Knows Best" to "Dumb and Dumber" by mainstream Hollywood. Now, we could play the blame game and point the finger at everyone from militant feminists to fundamentalists who abuse the Bible and their submitted spouses but that's not going to solve much, is it? No, I prefer to be pro-active and simply challenge people to honor your fathers this weekend whether you think they deserve it or not.

One of the characteristics of the "last days", according to Paul, was a societal shift in attitude toward our parents (2 Timothy 3:2). Certainly we can see this breakdown in familial relationships all around us. God has placed a rather simple requirement on us that comes with conditions (Exodus 20:12). There aren't any qualifiers to this instruction. The Word doesn't say, "Honor your father and mother unless they..." It simply says to honor them.

Sadly, there are far too many horror stories of abusive parents. You don't have to do much research to see our society is very unhealthy especially at the family level. As a matter of fact, thanks to decades of glorifying dysfunctional families in our entertainment we have generations of people who believe dysfunction is functional. There is no push to strive for excellence in our families. And why should we strive to put an end to family curses or abusive cycles when it is so much easier (and in some cases lucrative) to give in to our basest instincts and just react naturally to whatever life throws at us.

To put an end to these family curses, we need godly men to stand up and do what doesn't come naturally to us; we must obey God. This requires Holy Spirit to empower us to do what we cannot do naturally, namely forgive and honor those to whom honor is not due (in our estimation). So, this weekend, we're going to spend some time honoring our fathers. It is past time to put an end to the abusive reputations of fathers from both Hollywood and our fathers themselves. It is amazing how much easier life can be when we simply obey God instead of the dictates of our hearts.

So, obey your Heaven Father and honor your earthly father. I believe you'll find that your Heavenly Father truly does know best...

Culture Shock: Crosses -vs- X-Boxes

"...and there arose another generation after them, which knew not the LORD, nor yet the works which he had done for Israel." -Judges 2:10

It isn't a stretch to say we are living in a godless culture. There is no fear of God in the eyes of most of our younger generation. In fact, not only are they fearless toward God, they're getting bolder about denying Him:





The verse I quote from Judges is speaking about the generation following Joshua's generation. The sons and daughters of the generation that conquered the promised land did not know God. The kids of the Jordan river crossing and the Jericho miracle did not know the works that God did for Israel. I'm not talking about Joshua's grandchildren or great-grandchildren. The Bible says Joshua's CHILDREN did not know the Lord nor the works He had done for Israel. How on earth is that possible?

Our godless culture has infiltrated and influenced the children in our churches. I speak not only as a pastor but as a former youth pastor. For years it was my responsibility to minister to, teach and lead the children of our church leaders and members. Needless to say, I and every other youth pastor on the planet can tell you of the generational divide present in our churches. It seems that the more active the adults are in church the less time they have for their kids.

This is true for pastors as well. Generally speaking, we are the worst at including our children in our ministry efforts. Sadly, the most troubled teenagers I had to minister to were the children of our ministers and leaders.

That isn't to say that all Preacher's Kids (PKs) are destined to be hellions. Many have made it through their teenage years fairly drama-free. However, the general reputation of PKs over the generations didn't just come from movies like "Footloose".

The attitude of the average church attendee is to let the church pastors/ministers instruct the children in the ways they should go. While church should be an important part of the process, if mom and dad aren't teaching and (more importantly) displaying the truths of God's word at home...

Children know horse-manure when they hear it. If God's Word isn't real enough to mom and dad why should little Billy and Susie believe it? If church-going dad comes home from a rough day at the office and curses out mom for not having dinner on the table, the only message that sends to the kids is "church and God are only for Sunday". Sadly, there are many "Sunday-only" Christians out there raising a generation of children who do not know God. A 30 minute Bible lesson once a week cannot compete with the cultural barrage our children face 7 days a week.

My question is, is the Body of Christ supposed to be involved with positively affecting and changing our culture or are we to simply watch and pray till the Lord comes? Jesus instructed the church through a parable to "Occupy till I come" (Luke 19:13). Does the word "occupy" mean "to conquer and take dominion" (Genesis 1:26-28) or does it mean "to take up space"? I'm afraid for a majority of God's people, the latter is the preferred definition.

So, while the church slumbers, our culture moves deeper into apostasy. As God's people struggle with everyday life issues, our children grow without a knowledge of God. With more and more people leaving the church in search of greener pastures, our children turn to American culture for guidance. The result is a fulfillment of Judges 2:10 in modern American society. There are whole generations of young people who do not know God nor the works He has done for America. I speak this to our shame.





It is past time to do something about it. How? Stay tuned true believers...