"What then? shall we sin, because we are not under the law, but under grace? God forbid." - Romans 6:15
On the other side of the narrow road that leads to life (Matthew 7:14) is the equally devastating malady of "Liberalism". Liberalism is defined as freedom from traditional values, biblical interpretations, rituals, viewpoints and activities in favor of a more individualized form of spirituality free of anything that may cause the adherent to experience any negative emotions (“I’m ok, you’re ok theology”). The liberal believer's favorite word is "Freedom" ("liberty" works too).
Now, to be clear, there IS freedom and liberty in Christ (Romans 8:21; 2 Cor.3:17; Gal.5:1). However, that liberty is not a free pass to live in habitual sin (Gal.5:13; 1 Peter 2:16). In fact, we are commanded to be careful how we exercise our freedom so as to keep the "weaker brethren" around us from falling into sin (1 Cor.8:9). I know I've made mistakes in my search for godly liberty and will undoubtedly make more before I leave this earth. It is a constant battle between our flesh and the Holy Spirit of God to "flesh out" (pardon the pun) our selfish desires from the desires God has for us.
God doesn't want us to live in bondage; he wants us to live in freedom and liberty. However, our definition of liberty and God's are not in the same ballpark; in fact they aren't in the same universe. When legalists are freed from their chains the natural tendency is to run across the road and jump into the ditch of liberalism (and visa versa). It is our natural inclination to move from one extreme to the other in our search for God. I am so thankful we have a loving and patient God who knows the difference between a rebellious saint and one who is seeking for God in all the wrong places. Let's face it, God is much smarter than we are.
Having said all of this, I need to describe the more predominant traits of Liberalism so you can see the dangers inherent in chasing after the wrong kind of liberty and freedom. Here are just a few:
IGNORANCE OF FUNDAMENTALS: Many liberally minded people have no foundational knowledge of scripture in spite of many years of church attendance. In liberal churches, Bible teaching is replaced with self-help seminars and motivational speakers. Paul's warnings to Timothy in 2 Timothy 4:3-4 paint a perfect picture of this problem.
DEEPLY UNCOMMITTED: Lack of Biblical foundation produces wishy-washy, double-minded, children who are unable to maintain a doctrinal center and are usually easy prey for false teachers/prophets. Liberals are constantly "chasing the wind"; looking for that fresh touch from God and they'll go anywhere and believe anything in order to get their Jesus fix (Eph. 4:14).
LOVE OF THE (RHEMA) WORD: Liberally minded people are focused on the “fresh” words from God rather than on the written words of God. Words like “suffering”, “sacrifice” and “accountability” are omitted in favor of words like “prosperity”, “perpetual healing” and “liberty”. Liberals tend to demote God to a more human level and project their methods and thought processes onto God. ("God would never want me to suffer like this..."). That is why a lot of these "fresh words" from God are more appealing than the written Word. Hearing a "prophet" tell you of 1,000-fold blessings and expanding tent posts sounds a lot better than submitting and sacrificing in order to follow God's path for you.
FREEDOM AND LIBERTY COMPLEX: Almost across the board, liberals believe the liberty in Christ is a blank check from God giving them anything their heart desires and freeing them from anything that looks, tastes, sounds, smells or feels like legalism. (Church attendance, personal responsibility/accountability, biblical standards etc.)
NEED FOR FREEDOM: Liberals are all about freedom from anything that makes them feel bad; personal accountability, responsibility or walk with God is replaced by personal wants, desires, and ambitions. This is a natural digression by those who have "escaped" legalism; after being held down by "the man" for a lifetime they are eager to spread their wings and sow some wild oats...in the name of Jesus. Most liberals are inherently selfish in their service. Instead of focusing on the edification of their fellow saints, many liberally minded people are focused on what they can get out of their service (the "give to get" mentality).
CONFORMITY COWARDS: Liberals will run at the first sign of conformity or adherence to some Biblical standards. Church is eventually seen as an obstacle to their “liberty” rather than a place of corporate worship and fellowship. Accountability is a bad word and a danger to their freedom.
SELECTIVE INVOLVEMENT: For the liberal, the merit of Church membership/attendance is based solely on what the congregation can do for them. If the church isn’t the right size with the right programs designed to meet their needs, they’re gone like Donkey Kong…eventually out of church altogether.
Hopefully you can see the dangers inherent in this mindset as well. Like the legalists, this thinking is founded purely in the carnal mind but, again, self-deception plays a key role in keeping folks in this ditch. It is very easy to believe oneself "holy and blameless" during a supercharged church service where the Spirit appears to be falling on people and manifesting Himself in a variety of ways.
Because of the subtle nature of our enemy, God requires His people to move with wisdom that ONLY comes from God. God's discernment is mandatory when navigating the narrow road because there are so many things out there that have a form of godliness but are inherently powerless. We all make mistakes; we all fall for a slick snake-oil salesman with a polished pitch. No one is infallible. The trick is to not let ourselves become disillusioned and fatalistic whenever we do find ourselves in one of these ditches of extremism.
Because of my non-conformist roots, liberalism is much more attractive a trap for me than legalism. I've found myself in both ditches and bear many scars from the experiences I've had. But (and this is a huge "but"), I have learned and am still learning from my mistakes. The weapons of warfare that God has for us sounds fairly benign in the face of the weaponry at Satan's disposal but it is no less effective. Satan comes with subtle deceptions and lies; God combats those lies with faith in His truth.
That is why knowledge of the Word of God is paramount to finding true liberty in Christ. Fresh words from God and true manifestations of His Spirit are fine and have their place but they are not a replacement for the established Word of God. If you are more inclined to memorize and study your Prophecy Notebook than the Word of God , your priorities are messed up and you're setting yourself up to be lion food. (1 Peter 5:8)
Both of these ditches carry profound consequences that are ultimately terminal for the child of God. I personally know of many people who are out of church and have sworn never to attend again because of wounds received from representatives of both of these extremes. The chaos and confusion surrounding the Body of Christ because of ignorance, deception and carnality is vast and seemingly without end. It is very easy for people to become fatalistic towards God and His Word because of all the different denominations and biblical opinions floating around out here. I am asked all the time "which one of you (denominations) is right?".
The solution to all of this confusion is fairly simple. It is Hebrews 11:6. God doesn't want us chasing after a denomination, a religious code or creed or any other man-made philosophy or ritual. God wants us to seek after HIM. He tells us he is a "rewarder of those who diligently seek Him". The reward isn't money or fame or even elite bible scholar status. The reward is object of our search; it is Himself.
If you're following after men to find God, you're following the wrong thing. Men can be used to help you along the narrow road but God should be the one you are depending upon, not men. We have been guilty of elevating the messenger over the message for far too long and I believe God is moving to bring the mighty "celebripastor" movement to a close. It can't happen soon enough, in my opinion. The wheat is being separated from the chaff; the goats from the sheep. God is moving to bring restoration, TRUE healing and TRUE liberty to all who are seeking for HIM.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Church Wars: Legalism -vs- Liberalism: Part 1
"[There is] therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit." - Romans 8:1
Jesus described the road that leads to life as a narrow one and "few there be that find it" (Matthew 7:14). The truth of that statement has never been more real to me than in the last decade of my personal journey with God. Not only is that road narrow but there are a lot of traps and pitfalls along the way designed to move us from the road of life into the ditches of bondage.
Since Jesus' desire is to break the chains of bondage and set the captives free (Luke 4:18) I believe it is past time to identify the extremist viewpoints in Christianity that are responsible for so much bondage and destruction. So, if you'll permit me, I'd like to spend a little time detailing the two largest ditches of extremism in the church and how to get out of them and back on the road. We'll call these ditches "legalism" and "liberalism".
If you've been reading this blog for any length of time you'll know where I come out on the subject of legalism in the church. Before I get too far ahead of myself, allow me to define "legalism" for you. Legalism is the belief that God’s favor (grace), and consequently His salvation, is earned by our thoughts, intents and actions based upon an intellectual understanding of God’s Word; strict legalists attempt to force their beliefs upon others by various means of emotional manipulation (shame, guilt, judgment, etc).
Legalism is not a new problem. Jesus battled with the legalists of His day in the form of the Pharisees, Scribes and Sadducees. If you know your Bible, you know these folks were the only people that Jesus had any condemning words for (Matthew 12:34; Matthew 23:33). Unfortunately, mankind has not learned from Biblical history; legalism is alive and well in many forms and flavors within the Body of Christ.
Legalism is characterized by many traits. For example, legalists usually come from a very strong fundamentalist background. FUNDAMENTALISTS: believe every jot, dot and tittle of the Word of God is the unedited, perfect Word of God. This, by itself, is not a problem as most true believers in Christ believe this and rightfully so.
DEEPLY OPINIONATED: Generally speaking, legalists interpret the Word of God from a more intellectual foundation rather than a Spirit-filled one. Once an opinion is formed on a given subject, the legalist has no problem sharing their opinions (referred to as "convictions") with anyone who will listen to them. Those who disagree are judged and (usually) condemned as ignorant (at best) or hell-bound heretics (at worst).
LOVE OF THE (LOGOS) WORD: The legalist has an intense love of the Bible; they know their scriptures. Nothing inherently wrong with that except I've found the legalist usually does not have a very strong relationship with the author of that Word. Case in point, the legalists in Jesus' day knew their Old Testament backwards and forwards but were blinded to the truth of Jesus' identity. The author of their precious Law was standing 5 feet away from them and they were too blinded by their religion and legalism to see him. Loving the Word is good, but not at the expense of loving its author.
JEREMIAH COMPLEX: Most legalists see themselves as a modern day watchman/woman. They believe it is their God called duty to bring the truth of God's word to the sinful masses by any means necessary. This may sound spiritual and right but the reality is when you engage in correcting perceived error from an unspiritual (carnal) and intellectual place you tend to do more damage than intended. Romans 14 deals with this issue pretty well.
NEED TO BE APPROVED: legalists have an inherent need to be approved by their fellow believers and by God. This approval is completely dependent upon their belief system and their actions (works). In other words, legalists believe their worth or value to God depends on their actions. God won't bless you unless you're doing your faithful duty as a Christian. Of course, that means that other Christians need your approval too and that is only achieved by doing Christiany stuff. This gets into the motive of why we do what we do for God. God wants us to serve Him because we love Him, not because we want Him to love us (He already does).
CONFRONTATIONAL COWARDS: Generally speaking, most legalists do not like to directly confront people they disagree with. They would rather condemn and judge from the safety of a pulpit, picket lines, the internet, e-mail, the United States Postal Service, etc. Most people do not know they are in the cross-hairs of a legalist until they hear about their "error" from someone else.
SELECTIVE INDIGNATION: This trait describes the hypocrisy inherent with legalism. Legalists tend to lighten or ignore their righteous rhetoric when the sin on the table of discussion is one they are guilty of but have no intention of repenting from. It is also not uncommon for "convictions" on the Word to change whenever habitual sins are formed. Like the preacher who preaches against divorced men holding the office of pastor until his wife leaves him or the preacher who rails against Harry Potter books and movies because of the witchcraft plot lines only to be first in line to see the new Lord of the Rings movies because he grew up reading Tolkien and loves these timeless classics. This is hypocrisy and it is one reason Christianity is a laughing stock in the world.
Obviously I could go on, but hopefully you can see the dangers inherent in these traits and attitudes. There are a large number of people who are ignorant of the spiritual application of the Word of God and the need for Holy Spirit to fill us in order for us to be able to accomplish the Word, Will and Ways of God in our daily lives. Legalism depends on the intellect and abilities of man, not Holy Spirit. The subtlety of this problem is founded in our proclivity to self-deception. It is easy to believe we're "walking in the Spirit" when we're actually "walking in the flesh". In spite of God telling us not to lean to our own understanding (Proverbs 3:5) I find that the majority of us do just that. God's ways are not our ways, his thoughts are not our thoughts. The desire of God is for us to be completely yielded to Him so we can operate with godly wisdom rather than carnal intelligence.
We are to be wise as serpents and harmless as doves (Matthew 10:16). Unfortunately, legalists have that reversed; that is one reason why Jesus constantly referred to the legalists of his day as "vipers". Much damage has been done in the name of Biblical purity and denominational distinctives. Churches have split, families ruined and many millions have vowed never to darken the door of a church again because of the judgmental condemnation from legalism. The enemy of our souls knows what he is doing and it is our responsibility to soberly investigate the motives and intents of our hearts to see if this evil root is present within us and to take the steps necessary to allow God to permanently remove it and set us all free.
What a glorious day when God's people can come together to worship and serve our King without fear of ungodly judgments and viperous condemnation. I thank God 1,000 times over for removing me from the snare of legalism and I constantly pray for the liberation of many of my fellow believers. This ditch is full of hurting and chained up people who haven't felt the presence or heard the voice of God in their lives in decades in spite of their faithful church attendance. I pray God will open the eyes of His people and set these captives free...
...but not so they can run to the other side of the road an fall into the ditch of liberalism...
(to be continued)
Jesus described the road that leads to life as a narrow one and "few there be that find it" (Matthew 7:14). The truth of that statement has never been more real to me than in the last decade of my personal journey with God. Not only is that road narrow but there are a lot of traps and pitfalls along the way designed to move us from the road of life into the ditches of bondage.
Since Jesus' desire is to break the chains of bondage and set the captives free (Luke 4:18) I believe it is past time to identify the extremist viewpoints in Christianity that are responsible for so much bondage and destruction. So, if you'll permit me, I'd like to spend a little time detailing the two largest ditches of extremism in the church and how to get out of them and back on the road. We'll call these ditches "legalism" and "liberalism".
If you've been reading this blog for any length of time you'll know where I come out on the subject of legalism in the church. Before I get too far ahead of myself, allow me to define "legalism" for you. Legalism is the belief that God’s favor (grace), and consequently His salvation, is earned by our thoughts, intents and actions based upon an intellectual understanding of God’s Word; strict legalists attempt to force their beliefs upon others by various means of emotional manipulation (shame, guilt, judgment, etc).
Legalism is not a new problem. Jesus battled with the legalists of His day in the form of the Pharisees, Scribes and Sadducees. If you know your Bible, you know these folks were the only people that Jesus had any condemning words for (Matthew 12:34; Matthew 23:33). Unfortunately, mankind has not learned from Biblical history; legalism is alive and well in many forms and flavors within the Body of Christ.
Legalism is characterized by many traits. For example, legalists usually come from a very strong fundamentalist background. FUNDAMENTALISTS: believe every jot, dot and tittle of the Word of God is the unedited, perfect Word of God. This, by itself, is not a problem as most true believers in Christ believe this and rightfully so.
DEEPLY OPINIONATED: Generally speaking, legalists interpret the Word of God from a more intellectual foundation rather than a Spirit-filled one. Once an opinion is formed on a given subject, the legalist has no problem sharing their opinions (referred to as "convictions") with anyone who will listen to them. Those who disagree are judged and (usually) condemned as ignorant (at best) or hell-bound heretics (at worst).
LOVE OF THE (LOGOS) WORD: The legalist has an intense love of the Bible; they know their scriptures. Nothing inherently wrong with that except I've found the legalist usually does not have a very strong relationship with the author of that Word. Case in point, the legalists in Jesus' day knew their Old Testament backwards and forwards but were blinded to the truth of Jesus' identity. The author of their precious Law was standing 5 feet away from them and they were too blinded by their religion and legalism to see him. Loving the Word is good, but not at the expense of loving its author.
JEREMIAH COMPLEX: Most legalists see themselves as a modern day watchman/woman. They believe it is their God called duty to bring the truth of God's word to the sinful masses by any means necessary. This may sound spiritual and right but the reality is when you engage in correcting perceived error from an unspiritual (carnal) and intellectual place you tend to do more damage than intended. Romans 14 deals with this issue pretty well.
NEED TO BE APPROVED: legalists have an inherent need to be approved by their fellow believers and by God. This approval is completely dependent upon their belief system and their actions (works). In other words, legalists believe their worth or value to God depends on their actions. God won't bless you unless you're doing your faithful duty as a Christian. Of course, that means that other Christians need your approval too and that is only achieved by doing Christiany stuff. This gets into the motive of why we do what we do for God. God wants us to serve Him because we love Him, not because we want Him to love us (He already does).
CONFRONTATIONAL COWARDS: Generally speaking, most legalists do not like to directly confront people they disagree with. They would rather condemn and judge from the safety of a pulpit, picket lines, the internet, e-mail, the United States Postal Service, etc. Most people do not know they are in the cross-hairs of a legalist until they hear about their "error" from someone else.
SELECTIVE INDIGNATION: This trait describes the hypocrisy inherent with legalism. Legalists tend to lighten or ignore their righteous rhetoric when the sin on the table of discussion is one they are guilty of but have no intention of repenting from. It is also not uncommon for "convictions" on the Word to change whenever habitual sins are formed. Like the preacher who preaches against divorced men holding the office of pastor until his wife leaves him or the preacher who rails against Harry Potter books and movies because of the witchcraft plot lines only to be first in line to see the new Lord of the Rings movies because he grew up reading Tolkien and loves these timeless classics. This is hypocrisy and it is one reason Christianity is a laughing stock in the world.
Obviously I could go on, but hopefully you can see the dangers inherent in these traits and attitudes. There are a large number of people who are ignorant of the spiritual application of the Word of God and the need for Holy Spirit to fill us in order for us to be able to accomplish the Word, Will and Ways of God in our daily lives. Legalism depends on the intellect and abilities of man, not Holy Spirit. The subtlety of this problem is founded in our proclivity to self-deception. It is easy to believe we're "walking in the Spirit" when we're actually "walking in the flesh". In spite of God telling us not to lean to our own understanding (Proverbs 3:5) I find that the majority of us do just that. God's ways are not our ways, his thoughts are not our thoughts. The desire of God is for us to be completely yielded to Him so we can operate with godly wisdom rather than carnal intelligence.
We are to be wise as serpents and harmless as doves (Matthew 10:16). Unfortunately, legalists have that reversed; that is one reason why Jesus constantly referred to the legalists of his day as "vipers". Much damage has been done in the name of Biblical purity and denominational distinctives. Churches have split, families ruined and many millions have vowed never to darken the door of a church again because of the judgmental condemnation from legalism. The enemy of our souls knows what he is doing and it is our responsibility to soberly investigate the motives and intents of our hearts to see if this evil root is present within us and to take the steps necessary to allow God to permanently remove it and set us all free.
What a glorious day when God's people can come together to worship and serve our King without fear of ungodly judgments and viperous condemnation. I thank God 1,000 times over for removing me from the snare of legalism and I constantly pray for the liberation of many of my fellow believers. This ditch is full of hurting and chained up people who haven't felt the presence or heard the voice of God in their lives in decades in spite of their faithful church attendance. I pray God will open the eyes of His people and set these captives free...
...but not so they can run to the other side of the road an fall into the ditch of liberalism...
(to be continued)
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Back to Beth-el: Conclusion
This year marks the tenth anniversary of my descent into hell. I wrote a blog about the night my second pastorate crumbled into dust a few weeks ago so if you missed it and you want to know what all this rambling is about, I invite you to back up a few blog entries to catch up on the juicy gossip. Go ahead, I'll wait...
...ok, on with the show.
About a month ago, I found myself standing in the building where all of my ministerial drama took place; at the very same pulpit. Aside from some paint on the walls the room hadn't changed much since the last time I saw it. It even smelled the same. Now, this isn't the first time I've been back to that church building and in the times I've been in there before there was no revelatory scene like the one I'm going to describe for you now. The major difference between my other visits here and this one is this time I was all alone in the building.
I stood at that pulpit and looked over the empty pews for what seemed like hours. Memories, uncontrollable memories,flooded over me; I could not shut off my brain to stop the faces and scenes. It was as if someone had taken over my senses and was forcing me to relive some extremely painful and personal things that I had worked very, very hard to forget. The overriding emotion that I had when I finally left the building was anger.
In fact, since that visit back in early July, I've been battling intense depression. I won't bore you with all the details but for the last month I've been overwhelmed with a fatalistic attitude towards everything, especially church stuff. It was as if the hour I spent in that building was the catalyst for the concoction Satan had been preparing in me for years.
I've spent the last month battling, seeking and asking God the eternal question, "why". Not, "why did I go through all of that junk ten years ago"...I'm done asking that question. This time my question to God has been, "why am I feeling like this? I thought I was over all of that drama." When I say I was battling depression, I want to be clear. I was closer to quitting the ministry than I've been in the 7 years I've been pastoring in Pearland.
The reason I'm sharing all of this with you, my tens of readers, is because of what God has revealed to me in the last 2 weeks. God apparently orchestrated my return to my personal "Beth-el" to open my eyes to some deep seated issues that I needed to deal with if I am going to move any deeper with Him.
You see, because of my pain and heartbreak, I had developed a spiritual cancer that was slowly destroying me. I had allowed myself to grow hard-hearted toward God and His Word, His Will and His Ways. I had grown distrustful of God and His people...no scratch that, I had absolutely no trust for God and His people.
This may sound crazy to you, a pastor who doesn't trust God or Christian, but it is more prevalent than you may think. I know of many men of God who have grown hard toward their calling and resentful toward their people. Most of those men do not last long in ministry and I was definitely on my way out too.
But God...
God has used this visit to open my eyes and show me areas that I need to repent in. Yep, pastors have to repent too. I made a ton of vows during those first few years following my second pastorate and none of those vows were good ones. I've since recanted all of them...except for one. I swore to the heavens above that I would never trust another human being again as long as I lived. You don't have to be betrayed and back-stabbed too many times in life before you develop an intense dislike for that experience and a desire to never repeat it.
Please know, this hardness of heart was never a conscious thing. As with all of Satan's methods, this has been a subtle hijacking of my passion and heart's desire. The thing is, I've allowed this process to take place. Instead of "taking every thought captive" (2 Cor.10:5) and thinking on "these things" (Philippians 4:8) I chose to think on destructive things that were poisoning my soul. The result of my attitude and reaction to my past was, like Ephesus, I had left my first love (Revelation 2:4)
Like that ancient church, I'm faced with the same process of healing they were faced with. "Remember therefore from whence thou art fallen and repent..." (Rev.2:5). I needed to be reminded of some things. God brought me back to the place where he began to really work on me to remind me of where I've been and where He is taking me in His kingdom. I needed my trip back to my personal Beth-el even though the trip has been painful and filled with pitfalls. God has brought me back to a place of repentance and I can tell you that my attitude and outlook on life has done a complete 180 degree turn.
That's the process God has all of us on. Most of us want God to heal us from our heartbreak as He said he would do (Luke 4:18) but we usually want Him to heal us OUR way; specifically, just pull the pain and junk out of our heads so we can live in peace. Newsflash: God doesn't operate that way; He never has. His Word, Will And Ways for us are for us to choose His way. That requires repentance. Salvation does not come apart from true repentance (Matthew 3:8). There's an awful lot of born again Christians who still need salvation...from themselves.
I've been one of them. Am I completely cured never to fall into a depressed state again. Nope, Satan's regrouping and getting ready for His next attack on me, of this I have no doubt. But God is equipping me with His weapons of warfare. Strongholds are being torn down in my inner-man (2 Corinthians 10:4) every time I stop kicking against the pricks and just trust and obey Him. To get this trust issue out in the open, God had to bring me to my Beth-el. To get the trust issue properly dealt with I had to get on my knees and remember, repent and refocus on Him and His word.
It's amazing how many of us struggle with mental health issues. I wonder, when is the last time you got your knees before your King? I guarantee, an humble spirit and a contrite heart will chase the blues away faster than a lifetime of Prozac...thank God.
...ok, on with the show.
About a month ago, I found myself standing in the building where all of my ministerial drama took place; at the very same pulpit. Aside from some paint on the walls the room hadn't changed much since the last time I saw it. It even smelled the same. Now, this isn't the first time I've been back to that church building and in the times I've been in there before there was no revelatory scene like the one I'm going to describe for you now. The major difference between my other visits here and this one is this time I was all alone in the building.
I stood at that pulpit and looked over the empty pews for what seemed like hours. Memories, uncontrollable memories,flooded over me; I could not shut off my brain to stop the faces and scenes. It was as if someone had taken over my senses and was forcing me to relive some extremely painful and personal things that I had worked very, very hard to forget. The overriding emotion that I had when I finally left the building was anger.
In fact, since that visit back in early July, I've been battling intense depression. I won't bore you with all the details but for the last month I've been overwhelmed with a fatalistic attitude towards everything, especially church stuff. It was as if the hour I spent in that building was the catalyst for the concoction Satan had been preparing in me for years.
I've spent the last month battling, seeking and asking God the eternal question, "why". Not, "why did I go through all of that junk ten years ago"...I'm done asking that question. This time my question to God has been, "why am I feeling like this? I thought I was over all of that drama." When I say I was battling depression, I want to be clear. I was closer to quitting the ministry than I've been in the 7 years I've been pastoring in Pearland.
The reason I'm sharing all of this with you, my tens of readers, is because of what God has revealed to me in the last 2 weeks. God apparently orchestrated my return to my personal "Beth-el" to open my eyes to some deep seated issues that I needed to deal with if I am going to move any deeper with Him.
You see, because of my pain and heartbreak, I had developed a spiritual cancer that was slowly destroying me. I had allowed myself to grow hard-hearted toward God and His Word, His Will and His Ways. I had grown distrustful of God and His people...no scratch that, I had absolutely no trust for God and His people.
This may sound crazy to you, a pastor who doesn't trust God or Christian, but it is more prevalent than you may think. I know of many men of God who have grown hard toward their calling and resentful toward their people. Most of those men do not last long in ministry and I was definitely on my way out too.
But God...
God has used this visit to open my eyes and show me areas that I need to repent in. Yep, pastors have to repent too. I made a ton of vows during those first few years following my second pastorate and none of those vows were good ones. I've since recanted all of them...except for one. I swore to the heavens above that I would never trust another human being again as long as I lived. You don't have to be betrayed and back-stabbed too many times in life before you develop an intense dislike for that experience and a desire to never repeat it.
Please know, this hardness of heart was never a conscious thing. As with all of Satan's methods, this has been a subtle hijacking of my passion and heart's desire. The thing is, I've allowed this process to take place. Instead of "taking every thought captive" (2 Cor.10:5) and thinking on "these things" (Philippians 4:8) I chose to think on destructive things that were poisoning my soul. The result of my attitude and reaction to my past was, like Ephesus, I had left my first love (Revelation 2:4)
Like that ancient church, I'm faced with the same process of healing they were faced with. "Remember therefore from whence thou art fallen and repent..." (Rev.2:5). I needed to be reminded of some things. God brought me back to the place where he began to really work on me to remind me of where I've been and where He is taking me in His kingdom. I needed my trip back to my personal Beth-el even though the trip has been painful and filled with pitfalls. God has brought me back to a place of repentance and I can tell you that my attitude and outlook on life has done a complete 180 degree turn.
That's the process God has all of us on. Most of us want God to heal us from our heartbreak as He said he would do (Luke 4:18) but we usually want Him to heal us OUR way; specifically, just pull the pain and junk out of our heads so we can live in peace. Newsflash: God doesn't operate that way; He never has. His Word, Will And Ways for us are for us to choose His way. That requires repentance. Salvation does not come apart from true repentance (Matthew 3:8). There's an awful lot of born again Christians who still need salvation...from themselves.
I've been one of them. Am I completely cured never to fall into a depressed state again. Nope, Satan's regrouping and getting ready for His next attack on me, of this I have no doubt. But God is equipping me with His weapons of warfare. Strongholds are being torn down in my inner-man (2 Corinthians 10:4) every time I stop kicking against the pricks and just trust and obey Him. To get this trust issue out in the open, God had to bring me to my Beth-el. To get the trust issue properly dealt with I had to get on my knees and remember, repent and refocus on Him and His word.
It's amazing how many of us struggle with mental health issues. I wonder, when is the last time you got your knees before your King? I guarantee, an humble spirit and a contrite heart will chase the blues away faster than a lifetime of Prozac...thank God.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Back to Beth-el: Intermission
I've had a difficult time writing this string of blog entries. There is a fine line that I walk whenever I talk about personal issues; particularly issues that I'm still battling with. Most people have a certain image of pastors that they want cultivated and kept in pristine condition. Pastors are supposed to have their stuff together. They aren't supposed to struggle with the issues that plague everybody else. After all, we pastors promote a lifestyle of spiritual and emotional maturity with every sermon we preach. It is disillusioning when we discover our heroes have chinks in their armor. So, to prevent disillusionment, we'll play these image games with one another.
I hate the mind-games that have infiltrated modern Western Christianity. God, in his divine wisdom, decided to include very human flaws and weaknesses in every single Biblical narrative of even the most faithful man or woman of God. Noah has his vineyard, David has his Bathsheba, Elijah his juniper tree and even Joseph has his breakfast table confessional that really puts the nail in the coffin between he and his brothers. It is only in modern Christianity that we play these image games with one another. You know the game where we pretend everything is peachy keen when we're in a corporate setting but privately we're anything but. This practice is also known as "lying".
Pastors are the worst about this. We're taught in our seminary training to manufacture and maintain an image of maturity whether we are really that mature in our thinking or not. Again, the people have come to expect this of their spiritual leaders and we pastors are more than happy to work on maintaining this facade rather than work on really becoming spiritually and emotionally mature.
I learned a long time ago that playing games like this will eventually kill you. I've seen many great men of God go down in flames simply because they were deluded into playing these mind-games rather than simply working on their personality and character issues. James taught us to "confess your faults one to another and pray for one another that you may be healed" (James 5:16). Pastors are no different than anyone else in the congregation; we have hurts that need healing too. God's process of healing calls for brutal honesty, first with ourselves and eventually with others in the church.
As a pastor, I have no problem confessing my faults with people. I struggle with the same soul-sickness that you all struggle with. I battle with sexual lust, laziness, selfishness and pride issues just like everyone else. Lately, my biggest battle has been an emotional one; I battle with depression on a daily basis. The enemy of our souls knows my specific weaknesses and he's been hammering on my button like crazy lately.
Now, it has been my experience that many church attendees have problems with leaders who are so open with their battles. This is the line that I tightrope walk across on a regular basis. How much is too much confession? James didn't say "confess your faults to everybody in the church". Frankly, not everyone is spiritually and/or emotionally mature enough to follow a flawed leader.
If that describes you, then you probably need to quit reading the next blog entry. Don't worry, I'll be getting back onto some less uncomfortable elephants in our auditoriums in the near future so you don't have to delete this site from your bookmarks just yet (this site IS bookmarked, right?).
If you haven't discovered by now, I'm not your average pastor. I don't pretend. If I don't know the answer to a biblical question, I'll tell you "I don't know". If I have issues with you, I'll tell you what they are and work hard to find a way to repair the issue and restore fellowship with my brethren. If I'm struggling with things to the point that it is negatively affecting my walk, I'll share that too. Such is the case with this "Back To Beth-El" string of blogs. The next blog entry is going to be very, very personal.
So, here's your final warning; if you can't handle a pastor sharing personal struggles and character flaws, you don't want to read the next blog entry. But, if you want to see the inner workings of a Christian's mind as he battles with character issues and flaws, then feel free to join me in a couple of days. My desire in sharing this stuff isn't to gain pity or even a following. I just want to be used of God to bring healing to the broken hearted. God's got a process for doing that and I'm walking it right now. It is a very personal process filled with difficult choices. But God is able to set us all free of our personal prisons, if we'll let him. I hope he'll use my experience to set some of you free as well.
But to do that, a pastor has to shed the image and get "real" with the people.
You have been warned true believers...
I hate the mind-games that have infiltrated modern Western Christianity. God, in his divine wisdom, decided to include very human flaws and weaknesses in every single Biblical narrative of even the most faithful man or woman of God. Noah has his vineyard, David has his Bathsheba, Elijah his juniper tree and even Joseph has his breakfast table confessional that really puts the nail in the coffin between he and his brothers. It is only in modern Christianity that we play these image games with one another. You know the game where we pretend everything is peachy keen when we're in a corporate setting but privately we're anything but. This practice is also known as "lying".
Pastors are the worst about this. We're taught in our seminary training to manufacture and maintain an image of maturity whether we are really that mature in our thinking or not. Again, the people have come to expect this of their spiritual leaders and we pastors are more than happy to work on maintaining this facade rather than work on really becoming spiritually and emotionally mature.
I learned a long time ago that playing games like this will eventually kill you. I've seen many great men of God go down in flames simply because they were deluded into playing these mind-games rather than simply working on their personality and character issues. James taught us to "confess your faults one to another and pray for one another that you may be healed" (James 5:16). Pastors are no different than anyone else in the congregation; we have hurts that need healing too. God's process of healing calls for brutal honesty, first with ourselves and eventually with others in the church.
As a pastor, I have no problem confessing my faults with people. I struggle with the same soul-sickness that you all struggle with. I battle with sexual lust, laziness, selfishness and pride issues just like everyone else. Lately, my biggest battle has been an emotional one; I battle with depression on a daily basis. The enemy of our souls knows my specific weaknesses and he's been hammering on my button like crazy lately.
Now, it has been my experience that many church attendees have problems with leaders who are so open with their battles. This is the line that I tightrope walk across on a regular basis. How much is too much confession? James didn't say "confess your faults to everybody in the church". Frankly, not everyone is spiritually and/or emotionally mature enough to follow a flawed leader.
If that describes you, then you probably need to quit reading the next blog entry. Don't worry, I'll be getting back onto some less uncomfortable elephants in our auditoriums in the near future so you don't have to delete this site from your bookmarks just yet (this site IS bookmarked, right?).
If you haven't discovered by now, I'm not your average pastor. I don't pretend. If I don't know the answer to a biblical question, I'll tell you "I don't know". If I have issues with you, I'll tell you what they are and work hard to find a way to repair the issue and restore fellowship with my brethren. If I'm struggling with things to the point that it is negatively affecting my walk, I'll share that too. Such is the case with this "Back To Beth-El" string of blogs. The next blog entry is going to be very, very personal.
So, here's your final warning; if you can't handle a pastor sharing personal struggles and character flaws, you don't want to read the next blog entry. But, if you want to see the inner workings of a Christian's mind as he battles with character issues and flaws, then feel free to join me in a couple of days. My desire in sharing this stuff isn't to gain pity or even a following. I just want to be used of God to bring healing to the broken hearted. God's got a process for doing that and I'm walking it right now. It is a very personal process filled with difficult choices. But God is able to set us all free of our personal prisons, if we'll let him. I hope he'll use my experience to set some of you free as well.
But to do that, a pastor has to shed the image and get "real" with the people.
You have been warned true believers...
Friday, August 8, 2008
Back to Beth-el: Part 2
The scene was familiar to the young pastor; he’d seen it several times as a lay member, but this time it wasn’t happening to his pastor…it was happening to him. The congregation was split and people were furiously calling for his head on a platter. You could cut the tension with a knife. The music director tried, vainly it turned out, to get the people to focus on worshiping God instead of their anger and desire for revenge. It was a valiant effort but ultimately fruitless. The young pastor knew he was in trouble because there were more people in attendance this Sunday night than had been in months; some in attendance weren’t even members of the church. The phone lines had been burning for weeks. The stage had been set. All of the players had gone “all in” and were ready to lay their cards on the table.
There were two clearly defined groups divided by the center aisle of the auditorium. One faction wanted the pastor to answer for his “crimes” before he was run out of town on a rail. The other faction was firmly on the pastor’s side; a few because they liked the pastor but most because they didn’t like the members of the opposing group. The worship service continued; every hymn brought the showdown closer. The young pastor could feel his pulse racing. He looked out onto the crowd of people and watched their faces. He found it amazing that they could sing these hymns that spoke of God’s grace and mercy all while plotting to remove him and his family. Their faces told the whole story. He closed his eyes and felt the last fragments of his battle scarred heart shatter into pieces.
The pastor was an emotional wreck. He’d been preaching to, praying over and fighting and feuding with this group of disgruntled members for over 3 years in a vain attempt to end the gossip and the judgmental backbiting. He learned too late that the root of bitterness runs deep and many of God’s children will fight to the death to keep that root healthy. What had started as very minor differences of opinion had now escalated into a full fledged turf war. All of his charm, his efforts, his sermons and his prayers had done nothing to prevent the inevitable public battle.
The song service ended and the worship minister turned the pulpit over to the embattled Pastor. He sat in his seat on the stage trying desperately to find a way to avoid what he knew was coming. He wondered why God was so silent. Was He really going to allow this travesty to continue? After several long minutes of silence the young man finally took his place behind the “sacred desk”. He half-heartedly ran through the announcements and prayer requests before leading them in a prayer. He had barely uttered the text for that night’s sermon when the deacon raised his hand and asked for permission to address the church. The old World War II veteran, survivor of Normandy and many subsequent military campaigns in Europe, slowly made his way to the stage to fire the first round of the night’s battle. The young pastor took his seat on the stage as the group of angry church members began the longest church service of his life.
The pain was indescribable. These were people he loved; widows whom he had visited, done yard work, electrical repair and other tasks for without a thought of recompense or reward. Now they were accusing him of verbal abuse, financial abuse and heretical teaching in their beloved church. One of these spiritual lynchers was a middle aged woman who had hosted the church’s weekly home bible studies over the last year. Now she was accusing the pastor of crimes of negligence and financial impropriety. The deacon standing at the pulpit was the spokesman for the group. He spoke with barely contained anger of the pastor’s mistreatment of the church widows and thinly veiled accusations of financial corruption. The agony of hearing these people angrily accuse him was more than the pastor could stand. He could feel his broken heart hardening with every word they spoke. The final bricks of a psychological wall of self-preservation were being laid with every tick of the clock.
The evening ended with high drama. A hastily called for vote of confidence (which the pastor won) was followed by an ugly mass exit of the group of bitter head hunters who wasted no time in calling the local police to come to the church and investigate charges of abuse of the elderly by this young upstart of a pastor and his followers. The police came and went without much incident due to a church full of witnesses who testified that the only ones guilty of abuse were the ones who had called them. When the police were gone, there was a celebration by those who were left as if a major victory had been won. The only one not celebrating was the pastor. Only he seemed to see what had just happened. No one had won anything and the church was now in shambles.
It wouldn’t take long for those who had supported the pastor that fateful night to see what he saw. Vows of allegiance and faithfulness were quickly and quietly forgotten as the ugly reality of rebuilding a shattered group of people with a damaged reputation in the community into a spiritual powerhouse for God’s kingdom set in. The young pastor was disillusioned, discouraged and frankly, bitterly angry at God and his people…ALL of them. It wasn’t just this heartbreak; it was all the years of watching God’s people in many different churches fight and split over curtain colors or music styles or some other mundane issue that did not matter in light of the eternal kingdom of God. It didn’t take long for the pity party to start in the young pastor’s heart. His dreams and goals of ministerial success had gone out the door with those angry, hard-hearted church members and he felt betrayed, abused and abandoned.
Where was God? Why had God allowed this horrible night to happen? Where was the fire from heaven or the splitting of the earth to swallow these stiff-necked rebels? Where were the legions of angels come to protect the embattled servant of God? Heck, he’d take a fat, lazy guardian angel at this point. God’s silence was deafening and the pastor concluded through his pain that the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob was either a sadistic liar or did not exist at all. He was stranded on an island of despair with a ragtag group of immature, carnal Christians who were as dependable as a broken clock in terms of rebuilding a church. His faith had been in vain and the God who swore to “never leave or forsake” him had done just that. He had called him to this church, placed him in this pulpit and then left him to be eaten alive by these sharks in sheep’s clothing. The horrifying truth was too much for him to bear and at age 29, after 8 years in full time pastoral ministry in two different churches, the pastor bitterly resigned and vowed he would never stand behind another pulpit in another church for the rest of his natural born life.
Thankfully the story did not end there. Although the young pastor had years of prodigal rebellion and suicidal depression to get through, God was not finished with him; not by a long shot. What this disillusioned young man did not realize was that he had just completed a course at Real Life University (R.L.U.). I wouldn’t say I passed the course with flying colors, but I did learn a few things; in fact, truth told, I’m still learning from that experience.
One of the things I learned is if you are not careful, you will become the very beast you are battling. I am still humbled at how quickly I transformed into a bitterly angry man and how close I came to throwing my life away and becoming exactly like those I was railing against. I will never stop flooding my Refuge and my Strength with praises and eternal gratitude for rescuing me from myself. But, that was not the most important thing I learned from that night.
I had a counselor tell me that there would come a day when I would be thankful for the events of that night. He told me that instead of anger and hate, I would feel pity and godly love for people who wouldn’t have lost an hour’s sleep if they had succeeded in throwing me and my family out on the street that very night. Of course, at the time, I thought he was insane and told him so in as ugly a way as I could think of. But I can confess to you now that the man knew what he was talking about. I am more thankful now than ever for those people and that fateful evening because a funny thing happened to me after the longest church service of my life…
…I met God.
to be concluded...
There were two clearly defined groups divided by the center aisle of the auditorium. One faction wanted the pastor to answer for his “crimes” before he was run out of town on a rail. The other faction was firmly on the pastor’s side; a few because they liked the pastor but most because they didn’t like the members of the opposing group. The worship service continued; every hymn brought the showdown closer. The young pastor could feel his pulse racing. He looked out onto the crowd of people and watched their faces. He found it amazing that they could sing these hymns that spoke of God’s grace and mercy all while plotting to remove him and his family. Their faces told the whole story. He closed his eyes and felt the last fragments of his battle scarred heart shatter into pieces.
The pastor was an emotional wreck. He’d been preaching to, praying over and fighting and feuding with this group of disgruntled members for over 3 years in a vain attempt to end the gossip and the judgmental backbiting. He learned too late that the root of bitterness runs deep and many of God’s children will fight to the death to keep that root healthy. What had started as very minor differences of opinion had now escalated into a full fledged turf war. All of his charm, his efforts, his sermons and his prayers had done nothing to prevent the inevitable public battle.
The song service ended and the worship minister turned the pulpit over to the embattled Pastor. He sat in his seat on the stage trying desperately to find a way to avoid what he knew was coming. He wondered why God was so silent. Was He really going to allow this travesty to continue? After several long minutes of silence the young man finally took his place behind the “sacred desk”. He half-heartedly ran through the announcements and prayer requests before leading them in a prayer. He had barely uttered the text for that night’s sermon when the deacon raised his hand and asked for permission to address the church. The old World War II veteran, survivor of Normandy and many subsequent military campaigns in Europe, slowly made his way to the stage to fire the first round of the night’s battle. The young pastor took his seat on the stage as the group of angry church members began the longest church service of his life.
The pain was indescribable. These were people he loved; widows whom he had visited, done yard work, electrical repair and other tasks for without a thought of recompense or reward. Now they were accusing him of verbal abuse, financial abuse and heretical teaching in their beloved church. One of these spiritual lynchers was a middle aged woman who had hosted the church’s weekly home bible studies over the last year. Now she was accusing the pastor of crimes of negligence and financial impropriety. The deacon standing at the pulpit was the spokesman for the group. He spoke with barely contained anger of the pastor’s mistreatment of the church widows and thinly veiled accusations of financial corruption. The agony of hearing these people angrily accuse him was more than the pastor could stand. He could feel his broken heart hardening with every word they spoke. The final bricks of a psychological wall of self-preservation were being laid with every tick of the clock.
The evening ended with high drama. A hastily called for vote of confidence (which the pastor won) was followed by an ugly mass exit of the group of bitter head hunters who wasted no time in calling the local police to come to the church and investigate charges of abuse of the elderly by this young upstart of a pastor and his followers. The police came and went without much incident due to a church full of witnesses who testified that the only ones guilty of abuse were the ones who had called them. When the police were gone, there was a celebration by those who were left as if a major victory had been won. The only one not celebrating was the pastor. Only he seemed to see what had just happened. No one had won anything and the church was now in shambles.
It wouldn’t take long for those who had supported the pastor that fateful night to see what he saw. Vows of allegiance and faithfulness were quickly and quietly forgotten as the ugly reality of rebuilding a shattered group of people with a damaged reputation in the community into a spiritual powerhouse for God’s kingdom set in. The young pastor was disillusioned, discouraged and frankly, bitterly angry at God and his people…ALL of them. It wasn’t just this heartbreak; it was all the years of watching God’s people in many different churches fight and split over curtain colors or music styles or some other mundane issue that did not matter in light of the eternal kingdom of God. It didn’t take long for the pity party to start in the young pastor’s heart. His dreams and goals of ministerial success had gone out the door with those angry, hard-hearted church members and he felt betrayed, abused and abandoned.
Where was God? Why had God allowed this horrible night to happen? Where was the fire from heaven or the splitting of the earth to swallow these stiff-necked rebels? Where were the legions of angels come to protect the embattled servant of God? Heck, he’d take a fat, lazy guardian angel at this point. God’s silence was deafening and the pastor concluded through his pain that the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob was either a sadistic liar or did not exist at all. He was stranded on an island of despair with a ragtag group of immature, carnal Christians who were as dependable as a broken clock in terms of rebuilding a church. His faith had been in vain and the God who swore to “never leave or forsake” him had done just that. He had called him to this church, placed him in this pulpit and then left him to be eaten alive by these sharks in sheep’s clothing. The horrifying truth was too much for him to bear and at age 29, after 8 years in full time pastoral ministry in two different churches, the pastor bitterly resigned and vowed he would never stand behind another pulpit in another church for the rest of his natural born life.
Thankfully the story did not end there. Although the young pastor had years of prodigal rebellion and suicidal depression to get through, God was not finished with him; not by a long shot. What this disillusioned young man did not realize was that he had just completed a course at Real Life University (R.L.U.). I wouldn’t say I passed the course with flying colors, but I did learn a few things; in fact, truth told, I’m still learning from that experience.
One of the things I learned is if you are not careful, you will become the very beast you are battling. I am still humbled at how quickly I transformed into a bitterly angry man and how close I came to throwing my life away and becoming exactly like those I was railing against. I will never stop flooding my Refuge and my Strength with praises and eternal gratitude for rescuing me from myself. But, that was not the most important thing I learned from that night.
I had a counselor tell me that there would come a day when I would be thankful for the events of that night. He told me that instead of anger and hate, I would feel pity and godly love for people who wouldn’t have lost an hour’s sleep if they had succeeded in throwing me and my family out on the street that very night. Of course, at the time, I thought he was insane and told him so in as ugly a way as I could think of. But I can confess to you now that the man knew what he was talking about. I am more thankful now than ever for those people and that fateful evening because a funny thing happened to me after the longest church service of my life…
…I met God.
to be concluded...
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